long winded self intro

M & E Shearn peacewrk at SNET.NET
Fri May 31 18:45:51 CDT 1996


Namaste,
the name is ej shearn, the age is 36, the place-stamford ct.
born with a hole for a soul, unwanted pregnancy,
in a scattered household, religion a chore and a bore
childhood, self-absorbed, insecure, an anxious observer
teenage saturated, drugs, alcohol, trouble, desperation
adulthood(?) sobered up, self absorbed anxious arogance
married for sake of supposed to be, to not be alone
fathered two boys, one autistic, one a spitting image of me
divorced, lust and selfishness, wife-house-kids, didn't fill the hole
alone and lonely, found a woman who loved me, disrespected her for it.
finally she left (married to her now)and I fell into the hole
that was my soul tumbled into the abyss at the bottom-
a light, filled me, engulfed me, pulverized me, killed that "me"
golden, soft and sweet, nectar, like drawn butter, I was That
charged through "new age" teachers needing teaching,
healers needing healing, channels and E.T.s-delusion & illusion
began meditation, lottsa books! decided only Truth is in old age
That which was That Light, non-duality, all that is
only thing that made sense, to seek another after That
insanity! I was surrounded by it
found dzogchen non-dual buddhism taught by Namkai Norbu
and non-duality of christ's teachings became evident
satya sai baba/ paramansa yogananda/ padmasambahva/longchenpa/ babaji...
finally, began to "experience" thoughts as seperate from 'I'
same soon after, feelings, phisical sensations, I had them
sametime "found" a book I had bought and never read
"Who Am I?" Grace, my Guru had found me and one day...
while sitting in a crowded park reading the words of Bhagavan
"do you deny you exist?" the realization, that if
'I' am not this, not this then niether is anything else
and 'I' began to expand, all seperations and boundries dissolved
'I' was all that there was, the bliss of it was overwhelming-physically-
then 'I' became 'it', an experience, a thought and the world reappeared
ever since That, my Self, is the only thing I seek
still caught up, now and again, in the world, the senses and the like
but I know......Grace is evident

Meditation is Being
Prayer is Consciousness
Knowledge is Bliss
One
at times 'I' am not
at others, this world and that
me and them arise
and of course 'I' suffer
still it is just a matter
of time, His Grace
That I Am has found me
of this, there is no doubt
hopefully this is not to long
presumptious, arogant
it has been 8 months
since That,
I am honored to have been asked to be here
and consider it only Grace
your Being
Here and Now
thank you
ej shearn



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