Individuality and advaita

[Anand Hudli]

  I would like to address something that I have experienced in
   whatever little advaita I have practised. I have rarely written
   about my personal experiences, but this is something I must get
   a clarification on.

   I have observed that as I "practise" or cultivate advaita,
   something happens to the individuality, ie. it tends to vanish.
   One explanation could be, as the Yoga vaasishhTha says, that
   there is an expansion of individuality so that it becomes
   identical with the universe. To explain, one feels that he/she
   is the universe, not an individual. There is a feeling,
   " I am the Sun, I am the Moon, I am this world, I am the
    people in it. I am the animals, the plants. I am indeed
   everything that is."

   Yoga vaasishhTha also gives an alternative way, ie a contraction
   of the individuality. One feels that he/she is more minute than
    anything conceivable.

   Either method, expansion or contraction, will lead to Self realization,
    as Yoga VasishhTha says. According to the same scripture, the
    middle state wherein one feels he/she is an individual limited
    by the body, etc. is the state of bondage.

   But loss of individuality sometimes makes me uncomfortable. For
   example, I miss being a helpless devotee of a personal God. I miss
   the little things that my individuality stands for. Maybe this
    happens because my mind is not pure enough. I don't know.
    Is loss of individuality is good thing? Again, I don't know.

   I am not saying that I have completely experienced the ultimate,
   (how can I, while I am only a novice?), but I *think* I have had
    a faint inkling of some indescribable experience. This experience
    is had by a study of the upanishads. Studying  Shankara's
    commentary on even the first few Brahma suutras will lead to this
    experience. This is what I have found. I will ask
    my Guru when I visit India in the summer. For all I know,
    I may be on the wrong path.



    Anand