[Advaita-l] This time New Year came late

[Durga Prasad Janaswamy]

Hari Om,
Pranams.
Received the following write-up from my friend who is a serious sadhaka.
Thought of sharing with you.
regards
-- durga
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It took me 51 years of life, but yet to come to terms with living, and
events of my life, how mind works to shape my life day-to-day, whether it
be happy or mundane.
Lack of decisiveness of the mind, is the only problem. If mind can want
just One, and keeps at it, there is no problem.
Finally it is only utter lack of control, on which specific  events happen
and why, that I can come to conclude.
My own desires and inclinations, that influence my choices
moment-to-moment, and not even consciously all the time.
If rational thinking prevails all the time, and if all failures and
successes can be understood rationally, then I can live without sorrow.
One thing I learnt early is that I should not cry out of regret. I
experience the consequences without regret, many times, on many things.
What choice do I have anyway?
But, I have made a conscious choice not to experience the consequences of
the actions of my unconscious choice.
Of course, physical pain can't be avoided, as it comes. Sorrow perhaps can
be avoided.
So, think, learn, try to do your best, avoid wasteful moments in life, is
the idea that I can remind myself.

Constant chatter in mind, the talk that goes on in my mind, a person, as
if, who is talking constantly in my mind, whom I mistake to be me, can be
understood and recognized, by simple logic , as not me, that, as I come to
know that Chatterer, I can't be that Chatterer.
Then I can do work at my hand without being distracted by that
Chatterer/talker/chatter in my mind, whom all along I mistook to be myself.
It is just a devil, an impostor, is just a mere appearance, which appears
and runs the show in 'my absence'.

 That Chatterer tells , "I am a victim, victim of circumstances, and
people", and I consider myself to be a victim, victim of circumstances, and
people!  The Chatterer's likes and opinions become my likes and opinions,
and I suffer in that illusory identification.
Once I recognized that Chatterer is not me, I recognized how that internal
chatter is trying to cause my suffering while living here, in my unmindful
identificaton of me with that talker.

The unmindfulness, sleepiness of not being aware of how things work in the
world-internal, is all the Maya.
Until that Maya frees, meaning, becoming fully mindful, working in
awareness, until total disidentification with the Chatterer, happens,
suffering will continue. Only until then.

It is my choice until when I want to suffer.

My mind is always vacillating. Even this well argumented matter-of-fact, it
forgets, and I identify with that Chatterer again.

Again a folly! the mind was never different from the Chatterer.

So, not to identify with the Chatterer will never work as that is the same
mind which says so.

I am the Knower of that decision also.

Do I see myself, separate from that decision, decision-maker, really?

Well, whenever I become a knower of that, even be that a thought, I am
perishable mind.

In not-knowing is my Knowing.

Living Simply.

This time New Year came late.