talking like a Jnani

[MSR]

On Fri, 21 Jun 1996, egodust wrote:


>
> When the atmavichara is applied, results can vary.  In my own case,
> after 30 years or so (the last 2+ in the form of mantrajapa), I no
> longer dwell on whether or not I'm liberated.  I've come to consider
> the question itself as a farce.  My personality is a non-consideration.
>

I would like to hear about practising aatma vichara. To an extent I am
able to appreciate the idea I am not the body. But to say I am not the
mind is something I cannot feel for. What stops the mind from being
self-referential? How do I know that I am not the mind and there is a
source that illumines the mind and I am that?

Problem with me is, when I ask "naan yaar" ( who am I) , I get into
the classical trap where mind starts supplying the answer. I am tired
of it (mind) too, like a pig it revels in the mud of lust and rolls in the
dirt called anger. What I am to do with it? When a wave of lust
attacks it, it is tough to stand back say well whatever that happens
let it happen, I am just a witness. But once I able to do it, it was
amazing to see that thought winds that bring lust suddenly stopped and
vanished. But after that moment instead of revelling in the glory of
victory, mind went quiet and empty, it rather chose to mourn as a
loser.

Mind I think is a like a dog. I hold it and say my mind. It barks in
glory saying I am your owner, your but my slave.

Since all these thoughts go only in the Mind and I just a witness, is
not the mind amazingly beautiful? Why reject the poor thing ! ;-)

It is like Bharatanatyam, where often the dancer will do part of
Krishna then go to other side and do the part of Yashoda -- Mind on
one side assumes that it is the source "I" and tries to kill itself
on the other side treating it as "the mind". But how will it succeed?


\aside
        Now days I notice how many I's I use in the document. Also,
once in a while I think, I should not make a false claim by saying "my
mind", instead I can use the mind. It also gives a greater sense of
satisfaction when saying "The mind is perverted and completely screwed
up" ;-) why put "my mind" there trouble it even more!

--
Ravi