Samadhi and Fear
Rushikesh K. Joshi
rushi at BRONTO.IITM.ERNET.IN
Sat Nov 9 11:18:22 CST 1996
Also, one can have experience and not know what has been experienced.
People have experience of nirvikalpa samaadhi regularly and have
no idea what it is so it doesn't bless them; in fact, it may frighten
them. People may experience themselves as one with everything,
but without BrahmaatmaGYaanam, this is a terrifying experience
because the little ego disappears. Without knowledge
that experience could land you in the local mental hospital.
With knowledge it becomes a blissful experience.
Do you distinguish Knowledge from the Experience ?
Isn't the experience itself the knowledge or 'knowing that
I experienced Brahman' is the knowledge ?
And if I am seen at the mental hospital after the experience,
what difference will it make to me?
I get a strange experience since my childhood.
Sometimes during night hours, when I change from a momentary waking state
to deep sleep, I can observe the exact transition moment.
It has always terrified me. Because I feel I am dying.
All my body controls start shutting down. I can't move
my hands, my legs and I can't open my eyes. I struggle to be alive.
My breath rate increases in that struggle.
This I know if my struggle succeeds. Else I am awake in the morning.
In the morning I remember this and know that I was not dead !
I am waiting for this experience to repeat frequently so that
I should face it boldly without that fear of death.
But I am sure you are not referring to such experiences.
Will the experience of Brahman generate fear ?
However, when Mathur Babu pleaded Sri Ramakrishna to give the Great
Bhava, Thakur said, "Why do you want it ? Everything is going well
now. Paramartha as well as Samsara." But when Mathur Babu persisted,
finally he got it ! And Lo ! Unable to perform his duties, he landed
up at the feet of the Master requesting him to take the Bhava back! Mathur
became all right (!). Why Mathur Babu, Swami Vivekananda himself
for the first time when Thakur touched his chest, told the master,
'What are you doing to me? I have my parents !'
There is a wonderful quiz of Sri Ramakrishna. He once asked Swamiji,
'Naren, imagine a bowl full of Amrita, and you, a fly sitting on the edge
of the bowl. What will you do ?'
Naren said, 'I will start drinking the Amritam!'
Thakur smilingly said, 'Hey ! Jump into the bowl ! Nobody dies in Amritam !'
I have never had an experience of the Nirvikalpa Samadhi.
But I sincerely feel that if at all one comes back from the Nirvikalpa
Samadhi, he won't have fear. And the presence of fear will be felt only
while crossing the boundary. Guru's presence can remove that fear too.
But if at all one comes back (as what ?) he would have lost fear.
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