[Advaita-l] Life is wonder & wondering about an advaitin's thought at the time of his/her death !!??

[kuntimaddi sadananda]

Bhaskarji - PraNams

First I have no problem indiscussing my experiences.

However, I would like to set thingsstraight about my experience vs after thoughts of that experience.



1. I first found myself lying ondown when I opened my eyes seeing my wife giving me mouth-mouth resuscitation,I have not realized where I am, nor my state. Only when my senses became activethen only I had perception that someone is breathing into my mouth. Even then Ihave not realized why and what far. 



2. I just closed my eyes then andautomatically the Lord's name - Oh! Namo Naarayanaaya! came to my mind asmental chanting - not by effort but naturally, as I do that all the timewhenever I close my eyes, and do that also involuntarily as I see myself not asa devotee but as Advaitin only, since I see the presence of the Lord everywhereas the Self as that I am - For me chanting the name of the Lord first for themind helps to drift my mind from other names and forms,  as I shift mymind to the recognition of the Self and Iswara are undifferentiated due toAdvaita conviction. 



Remember this I have been doing thisfor many years, started first as Saadhana until it became natural whenever I amalone and close my eyes.  I do notdiscuss these as it is my personal saadhana.  When I open my eyes also Ikeep that vision of seeing first, the Lord in different forms - since every nameand form - is nothing but Him only based on the knowledge gained from thescriptures; and then see myself as everything. These two-stage mental steps arepart of my saadhana, which can be different for others - hence I do not discussthese also.



The smile that my wife saw came onlyin that realization of oneness. She sees that smile whenever I am alone andclose my eyes. She felt after seeing my smile that I am back to normal.  



I did not write all these sincethese details are personal; and one need not have to follow these as long asone understands the essence. 



Lord in the form of Narayana came tomy mind spontaneously since from my childhood my mind is tuned to that form ofthe Lord. That is again personal. What I wanted to emphasize is only eventhough it started as saadhana, it became natural since that happens to me manytimes as meditate whenever I am alone. However the real surprise (thisanalysis is after the fact) is that even I was in a precarious state (as wastold by my wife) the name came to my mind spontaneously and mind recognition ofthe advaitic understanding by seeing the oneness that pervades everything. Ihave not even recognized that I was in precarious state at that time. I wasjust reveling in the beauty of the presence of the Lord or the self everywhere.



Even though I came fromvishiShTaadvaita tradition - By the study of scriptures, I have synthesizedbhakti with knowledge as non-different since the self is sat chit ananda onlywhich appears as jeeva or Iswara. 



What I want to emphasize again is -my mind is able to  go back to that state even in that condition, not evenknowing that I am in that precarious position – It is a wonder indeed. Itconsider now that it was blessing of the Lord. 



When came to my sense more and whenmy wife trying to keep pulling back into the world, I became more aware of mybody state at the time and my wife was checking if my head got hurt to see ifshe has to do some first aid, Then only I became more aware of the physicalbody positon. In spite of the fall, and in spite of the spatially in aprecarious position, I could but wonder the role of the Lord in putting me inthat position safely. - I could not but become a devotee with the Iswara asguiding principle - This is both vishistaadvaita and adviata too -  atBhati level they do not differ also. 


I did not want all these personal feelings to present at that time - now I didit after seeing your post - to have present the correct state of my mind atthat time- so that there is no misunderstanding or over drawing more than whatreally happened. I feel that I am blessed by the supreme intelligence fortaking care of me (Ok my body) so that it did not get hurt by my fall. My wifeheard big noise due to my fall for her to wake-up to run to the bathroom.  All I can say the constant practice of jnanaamwith Bhakti or devotion to  the lord forthe mind to hold on to. 

I must thank all my teaching staringfrom my own mother and father - who made me a devotee first and then theteachers who exposed me to the understanding of the scriptures. 



Hope I am clear.

Now you can discuss whatever youwant. 



Hari Om!Sadananda